Over the past few years I’ve worked to close the gap between my values and my lifestyle. I finally gave up dairy, I deleted all those Big Tech accounts, I’m hardly flying and driving, I’m building connections and becoming friends with my neighbors and committing to my neighborhood. There’s still work to do, but I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and I think I deserve to be.
And though this work continues, my next project has become evident: I need to chill the fuck out and learn to be more patient with the people in my life who aren’t doing these things.
I’ve known for a long time that I can be an asshole when I don’t mean to be. It doesn’t happen as much as it used to, but when it does, now I act like a judgmental asshole specifically.
Which does me no good. I’m grumpy due to the weight of perceived slights and betrayals that literally have nothing to do with me. And even if I was a true ideologue, someone only cared about furthering my causes (which I clearly am not), being a snooty jerk isn’t the way to do that.
I stopped being an unintentional asshole quite so often once I learned that I was my worst when I felt unconfident. Now I’m older and this is less of an issue; I’m less unsure of myself now, and I’ve learned to recognize the pattern and stop it earlier besides.
Today, I think the root issue is that the stress and angst I feel (for the future, etc.) find their way out of my system by chasing easy targets: the liberals around me who are generally trying their best, but aren’t able/willing to accept much inconvenience to meet the humanitarian and universalist ideals that we supposedly share.
So I’m resolving to chill out and be kinder in my judgments. And I recognize that I can only do that if I find new ways of exorcising the aforementioned stress and angst.
I’m open to suggestions, but I have ideas.
First, I’m going to spend less time in the liberal, mostly tech-related spaces I visit online. Sometimes I have little capacity for liberal nonsense, and I need to make sure I have enough for my family, neighbors, coworkers, and actual friends. I simply should not be opting into any community where everyone has a Bluesky account and uses LLMs for work.
My second thought is to get back into the weight room. Lifting has done me loads of good in the past, but I haven’t maintained an exercise habit since the first Covid lockdowns. I’ve set aside my next holiday at work (two weeks away) to clean out the garage and make a space for weightlifting. This might seem silly to some, but IYKYK: folks who’ve found inner peace under a barbell surely understand.
I realize that not everyone on the smolweb feels the same way I do about everything happening in the world. But I appreciate that, at least here, the attitudes that are wearing me down (but with which I want to be more patient) aren’t so hegemonic. Thanks for posting, folks.