There have been well over a dozen instances in my life when I started keeping a diary (occasionally digital¹, but more often, analog). I’d write entries regularly (maybe even daily), sometimes for over a year. But always, eventually, I’ve abandoned the project.
Recently I’ve had a change of heart. I realize now that my shelf of half-filled journals doesn’t represent multiple abandoned projects — it is a single project. Sometimes I keep a journal, sometimes I don’t, and that’s just fine.
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Perhaps related to this, I’ve drastically reduced my participation in and consumption of social media over the last several months. I did this to help with my mood, and it’s been an unequivocal net good, but there have been drawbacks. Between the isolating nature of parenthood in this culture, and the continued Covid pandemic² I feel lonelier without my parasocial infinite scroll. For now, I’m choosing to believe that even this is for the best; it’s like I’ve cut back on empty calories and now I feel hungrier. But I need to find a healthy alternative soon, and I’m not sure where to look.
I wrote the above before I saw the post by Drew DeVault³ about losing interest in Gemini, or the ripples it has already started sending around Geminispace. Maybe the same impulse that took me off Twitter, and got me to finally deactivate Facebook, is chasing some people off of Gemini? It’s hard to say — I feel like all the cool Gemini users ditched those platforms ages ago.
Maybe we’re all chasing something that internet-mediated communities can’t give us.
Maybe we’re all sad and angry about how the past two years have played out, and anxious about what that means about the next two.
Maybe it’s just me.
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[1] I wrote about a previous bout using Diaryland.
[2] Not to mention the well-documented synergy between these — the baby is still unvaccinated and there’s no telling when a vaccine will become available.